I have a confession, I have a terrible enemy that I am going to call out and her name is jealousy! I find myself battling with this nemesis for various reasons, but one of the most common was always the “why her, not me” fight. Like, as I am writing this blog I could let her bring me down by saying “look at how successful HER blog is, I am never going to be that successful.” However, I have learned a valuable tool to combat this enemy and I am going to share that with you. Ready?
Success comes from achieving goals: big stretch goals and little goals along the way. It is not luck, fortune, or any other adjective that my doubting self likes to put into those sentences of negative self talk. So why do some people achieve and some do not? Glad you asked! The difference is in being interested in something and being committed to something.
Here is an example from my life, weight loss. I haven’t been “skinny” since probably the 9th grade. I was always interested in losing weight, and sure I would set a goal here and there. I even achieved a few of them, BUT they never stuck. Why? I was never fully committed, like ALL IN, no holds barred, going to do this! A few years ago, I finally said enough is enough and I fully committed to losing the weight. While I am still not what anyone would define as “skinny”, what I am is so comfortable with the 40 + pounds I have lost and KEPT off for almost 2 full years now. That result, I am very proud of and I am committed to keeping that weight off.
So there it is. Simple right? Well, there is something we have to discuss to go from interested to committed. That is your why. Why do you want to do this particular thing? Maybe you want to lose weight like I did, or maybe you want to pay of debt, or go back to school for a new career, or start a blog or business, or…. Fill in your own blank. However, there is a gap between that moment when your brain says “I want” and when your brain recognizes “this is really happening”. That gap is bridged by the why.
Trust me on this your why needs to be both big and strong. In fact the bigger the goal, probably the bigger and stronger the why will need to be. Your individual why has to be strong enough to keep you committed when the going gets tough. Believe me, no matter what goal you have it will be tough at least some of the time, if not you would have already done it. If your why is able to carry the weight of that discomfort, then you are fully committed and more likely to reach your goal.
Right now I am working with two clients who have a very similar goal, maybe it is a goal you have too. Both these women needed help clearing clutter and letting go of things. Their reasons were VERY different. One is getting ready to move after many years, she is a super successful business woman but had trouble parting with things, especially things her children had done in grade school. Spoiler alert, her youngest child is a junior in high school. Well there is no way she can move 10 or more boxes of old school papers, she had to let go. Her why was very different than my other client who is a younger single woman, also a successful business woman who was struggling with the grief of a tremendous loss. Her excess belongings came from someone else, and it has taken her a few years to reconcile her grief and be able to heal. So same problem, different cause, different emotions, and different why. The commonality was that when they could express their why and process those emotions they had a solid bridge to cross from “interested” to “committed”.
This week I challenge each of you to think about something you wish you could do, something that maybe you are envious of someone else because they did it. Once you have thought of something you would like to achieve then move from interest, across the bridge of why, to full commitment. Set that goal and achieve it. When you do, you will become that person someone else envies for your new found success. If you need some help with this process, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will be happy to help you with more information. Remember, I am a self admitted goal junkie with ADD – so if I can do it, I know you can too.
Until next week, stay focused and set some new goals!